We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
