Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
