That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
