All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
