Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
