Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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