I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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