Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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