Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
