I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
