Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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