I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
