so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize