I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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