The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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