is your mom at the bar?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
