Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
