Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize