Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i barfeds in our rink
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
