U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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