it hurts more in the daytime
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
