Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
