32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
