About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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