Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
