I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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