I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
