he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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