The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
