if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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