I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
