Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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