I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
