Ketchup is God's man juice
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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