evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
