pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
