hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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