Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
