is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
