I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
