I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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