There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
