Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
