I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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