He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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