Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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