The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
