On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
