I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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