did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
