I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
