airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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