just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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