I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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