A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He better not be in your backpack
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
