Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
