shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
