State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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