I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
