I think my vagina is haunted
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this boner is exhausting
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
