I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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