Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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