I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
