dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
