A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
