Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
