my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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