I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
