the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
