i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
