Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
