Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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