Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
