I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
