so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
