i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
