According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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