Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
